


At Best, You Find A Little Remedy

by StarEyesAndDiatribes



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Book: New Moon, Grand Theft, Recovery, We're ignoring that Bella tore the radio out okay?, destruction of property
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:41:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25910749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarEyesAndDiatribes/pseuds/StarEyesAndDiatribes
Summary: Based on my Tumblr post "New Moon but instead of Jake helping Bella find the meadow they go to the Cullen house and just absolutely go to town with a couple of baseball bats and tire irons"Bella damages some property, and maybe heals a little in the process.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 35





	At Best, You Find A Little Remedy

I wasn’t sure what the hell I was doing here. Was I trying to push myself back into the zombie stupor? Had I turned masochistic, developed a taste for torture? I should never have voiced my breakdown-induced idea to Jacob. If anyone ever found out, we would be in so much trouble.

I continued to drive slowly down the overgrown lane, twisting through the trees that arched over me like a green, living tunnel. My hands were shaking, so I tightened my grip on the steering wheel.

I knew that part of the reason for this had been the strange sense of repetition I had felt today. The fact that it had been exactly a year since I moved to Forks. The feeling that I was starting over- perhaps the way my first day would have gone if I'd really been the most unusual person in the cafeteria that afternoon.

The words ran through my head, tonelessly, like I was reading them rather than hearing them spoken:

_It will be as if I'd never existed._

I felt my fingers tighten on the steering wheel again, the knuckles turning white.

I was so lost in my head I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt Jake’s hand reach over to touch mine.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Bells?”

I nodded manically.

“We don’t have to do this. It was a fun idea at the time, but you really do look like you might pass out.”

I went back to ignoring him.

The thick, almost jungle-like growth crawled slowly past my windows. The drive wound on and on. I started to go faster, getting edgy. How long had I been driving? Shouldn't I have reached the house yet?

The lane was so overgrown that it did not look familiar.

Then there was the break in the trees that I was looking for, only it was not so pronounced as before.

The flora here did not wait long to reclaim any land that was left unguarded. The tall ferns had infiltrated the meadow around the house, crowding against the trunks of the cedars, even the wide porch. It was like the lawn had been flooded, waist-high, with green, feathery waves.

And the house was there, but it was not the same. Though nothing had changed on the outside, the emptiness screamed from the blank windows. It was creepy. For the first time since I'd seen the beautiful house, it looked like a fitting haunt for vampires.

I hit the brakes, looking away. I was afraid to go farther.

The silence was broken by Jake’s low whistle.

“Man, I knew they were rich, but this is just absurd.”

I turned my staring from the house to Jake’s dumbfounded expression. I was sure I must have had a similar look the first time _he_ took me here.

The thought caused me to chuckle quietly.

I stepped out of the truck.

Jake whooped and walked around to the bed to grab what we needed, and then took my hand.

We paused just outside the door, and Jake looked at me a little nervously.

“A house this nice must have security, right?”

I shook my head. No need for security when there’s a house full of dangerous predators. Not that I told Jake that, of course.

“No, they’re so far out from anyone, no point really.”

Jacob ah’d and waited for me to settle myself.

I reached out slowly and turned the doorknob, swallowing thickly when it proved to be unlocked, and pushed it open.

I took a tentative step forward.

All if the furniture was covered in white sheets, a thin layer of dust seeming so out of place in the one immaculately kept house that my brain was able to distance itself almost.

Jake stepped around me, looking around himself. We walked through the first level of the house, Jake having took a hold of my hand at some point. I was glad for the moral support.

I was able to hold myself together longer than I thought I would manage.

That was, until I saw the piano.

That damn piano.

I felt my eyes well up with tears. How many hours had we sat on this bench while he played his song for me? How many songs did I listen to him orchestrate from this spot?

I grabbed a handful of the cloth and pulled. Revealing the shiny black surface for the first time in months.

I tentatively reached out, afraid of what I would feel underneath my fingers. My hand glided over the surface, resting on one of the ivory keys.

My anger came back full force.

I slammed my hands against the keys, revelling in the discordance. I had never heard anything but beauty come from the instrument; the ugly noise seemed to fit right into the hole in my chest.

I slammed them a few more times before Jake’s warm hands stopped me.

“Honey, you’ll hurt yourself. Stop.”

I whipped around, prepared to yell at him next, when he held up one of the items we acquired before coming.

The delicate wood of the piano didn’t stand a chance against the metal bat.

After my anger returned it was a whirl of destruction.

First the piano, then every vase I could throw against the walls, Jacob accidentally smashed one of the large glass windows while overturning a table, and we could really only finish the job after that.

Eventually we made it up the stairs. I didn’t bother with anyone else’s rooms, though the large graduation cap portrait was easily torn down and tossed from the railings.

What kind of person wanted to repeat high school for eternity anyways?

Jake followed behind me.

My breath caught in my throat when I stepped in the doorway.

His presence was stronger here, seen in every crack of the room. It was lucky I was still crying because I would have started up again anyways.

I made my way to the stereo first. My instinctual reaction to press play on whatever CD he had been listening to previously reared its head before I could stop it, and the first notes torn my chest open further.

“Fucking Debussy.”

I pulled the stereo from its place and threw it towards the glass wall. I wasn’t strong enough for it to actually go through, and it was a bit heavier than anticipated, by the satisfying smash of it breaking was enough.

I knew I was sobbing as I went through his music.

Every CD. Every cassette tape. Every record.

I went through, reliving the memory ties to each one.

The Linkin Park CD he had played in his car.

The Tracy Chapman cassette I fell asleep in his arms to.

The Sister Rosetta Tharpe record we danced to before he kissed me so sweet.

Every one snapped in half or unravelled loosened the knot in my chest.

I couldn’t remember the last time I had listened to music. It had been our way of speaking to one another when words wouldn’t work. Each note a testament to our emotions.

Or, well, my emotions.

I had just been a distraction for him.

He had taken music from me, something I had shared with my mother, and even Phil briefly, before I had ever moved to this town, or met him. And long before I had given him my whole heart and soul.

It had been snatched away with my heart the moment he ran away in those woods.

I wasn’t sure how long I had been in that room, but by the time I was finished, and all his collections destroyed, the sun was significantly lower in the sky.

Jacob was sitting on the ground by the door, giving me the space I needed while being an emotional support.

I was so lucky to have him as my best friend.

I took a few deep breaths and nodded over at him, sinking into his warm embrace for a few minutes before we made our way back down stairs.

I would’ve been embarrassed at all the destruction I had caused, but I felt lighter than I had in months.

I paused by the kitchen, thinking of all the times Esme would cook for me here. Everything had hardly been used, all the hardware practically brand new.

I had an idea.

Jake and I loaded up practically the whole kitchen into the back of the truck. His and Billy’s fridge had been about to go out, and I was pretty sure Charlie hadn’t bought anything since he and my mom moved in.

It wasn’t like the Cullens were using it, and by the time they moved back to Forks, however many decades that would be, they’d need to update anyways.

Jake was laughing the whole time, not at all upset by my plan for grand theft. Though, considering it came after a full bout of destruction of property, I supposed it made sense.

We picked out bats up from where we had left them in the hall. No one would find them until long after our deaths anyways, but there was no point in risking it.

We tossed them in the back with the rest of our finds and climbed into the truck. I spent another few minutes staring at the ruined outside of the building, soaking in the shattered glass and comparing it to the first time I had ever come.

This would be the last time I ever saw it, and how fitting it was I left it as Edward had left me.

At last, I started up the truck, the comforting roar barely being able to muffle the sounds of Jacob’s cheers.

Driving away down the twisting driveway, I let the last of the memories wash over me.

This house contained so man of my secrets. Things I couldn’t share with anyone. I gained a glimpse of a world I was never supposed to see. One I would never be a part of again. I had longed for it at one time, when I was happy, and felt like my love was enough to hold the perfect glimpse of eternity.

In the end, I had been wrong. They had moved on, and I was the only thing remaining, the only one holding on still.

I left all of those memories behind as I drove on. I wasn’t fully healed, there were too many scars for me to have been fixed in one afternoon, but it was a start.

I turned out of the driveway, back onto the highway and heading for La Push.

I glanced over at Jacob. He was smiling that sunshine smile that made me happy to just exist around him.

“You okay, Bells?”

I gave him my own tentative smile, “Yeah.”

For the first time in months, I turned the radio on.

**Author's Note:**

> I just had an itch to write something with this post and finally gave in.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Follow me on tumblr @ transboybeauswan


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